My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
