He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
a search helicopter?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
