She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I want a musical about memes.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
