i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
