come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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