If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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