I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
They took my balls.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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