WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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