Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He better not be in your backpack
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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