Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
