haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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