there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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