masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
