omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
