she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
