Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
