alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
