I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
