its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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