I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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