i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize