If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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