If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
