Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
