btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
