No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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