Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
