opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
