i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
