I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
