Will you blow on my dice?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
