I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
