the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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