guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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