dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
