Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Please don't give away my fajitas
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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