she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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