There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
