How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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