Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
even my farts smell like vagina
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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