You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
