sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
