I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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