I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
