I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
