he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
