I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
