I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
