How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
