HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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