i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
