a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
