blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm getting married
To pizza
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
