did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
