Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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