Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
