where does the pee come out of this thing
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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