I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize