Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
