I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
