Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
