She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
