You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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