I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
