I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
