Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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