Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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