Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
