mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
