the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
