I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
