Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
