I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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