My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize