I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
