LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
50% drunk capacity currently
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
