she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize