I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
